Zombies, Anyone?

Damn Starcraft…. taking up all of my free time…. Oh hey! I just finished all of my final papers and have recently become attached to this blasted game Starcraft 2.  No, no the game isn’t out yet, it’s a beta.  A beta, for some video games, is a rough cut of what a production teams wants feedback from to make the game better for consumers.  We get to play it for free and tell them what they are doing right and wrong.  It’s pretty cool.  Anyway, back to where the title of this post comes in… ZOMBIES!!

A still from the hit comic The Walking Dead.

Now, I find myself to be something of a zombie loyalist…  That means, I stick strictly to Max Brooks and George A. Romero (don’t get me wrong Zombieland was hilarious but more of a satire than anything).  Max Brooks wrote two humorous fiction novels titled The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead (as kind of a mock to The Army Survival Guide) and World War Z. Both books portray Zombies as mindless and flesh hungry (even though they don’t digest flesh).  The number one thing in the Zombie lovers handbook: Zombies DON’T RUN. I mean it, no exceptions, Zombies are meant to be a horde of never sleeping and never satiated monsters that don’t have intelligence.  If you have to learn to crawl before you can walk before you can run and eat your neighbor, why do the dead constantly get up from a 15-30 second dead state into running?  It just doesn’t work that way.  I don’t care how scary you are trying to make this movie, Zombies DON’T RUN (screw you Zach Snyder).

Crap, I need to make an aside. What is it with Zach Snyder and destroying the things that I love?  I’m going to get personal with you guys, I feel like we’re close enough now.  I have a Rorschach tattoo from the GRAPHIC NOVEL Watchmen. That book helped me become your geekiness (think of holiness when I say this…  Like king of the geeks).  Zach Snyder started with the destruction of my favorite horror and Zombie film, Dawn of the Dead, and eventually moved on to destroy 300. Well, big surprise, I loved that graphic novel as well.

So, Zach Snyder sucks.

With that said, let us return.

Zombies walk,  that is what’s so scary (Max Brooks comes up with a really good explanation to the logic and physics of walking zombies having something to do with speed depending on leg length, sadly, I do not have a copy of the book on hand to quote (FOR SHAME!!)).  Think of 2/3rds of the world roaming the earth in search of one thing: your living flesh.  I don’t know about you ,but even if I was in a safe place, I wouldn’t sleep right knowing that zombies could unknowingly roam into my safe haven and be taking a huge bite out of my foot before I have time to grab my trusty shotgun.  Zombies are also relentless, you can’t reason with a Zombie, and unless you destroy its brain, it will do whatever it can to continue trying to attack you.  If you want really sick people who can infect you to run around violently then go watch 28 Days Later or The Crazies, because these films are infection movies. They aren’t dead.  They are just insane or mutated.

On to the king: George A. Romero.  I give tremendous respect to a man who can create such a great piece of work and give it out to be manipulated in any way anyone sees fit (even if it is raping it repeatedly *COUGH* Zach Snyder *COUGH*).  Romero always had social and political relevance to his films, and the “Of the Dead” films are no exception (watch how he repeatedly created racial tension in these apocalyptic scenarios, it’s quite good).  As time progresses, I have to give it to Romero for trying to experiment: Bob from Day of the Dead learns his name and how to use a gun (very much like a child).  In Land of the Dead, a gas station attendant zombie learns to walk under water and leads an attack force of zombies into a human settlement (which ironically has horribly trained soldiers. You’d think after surviving this long you’d know how to shoot a zombie). The gas station attendant zombie also teaches other zombies to use weapons (very much like children, do you see where he is going with this? Crawling before walking).  Although I don’t approve of the intelligent zombie, I give Romero credit for testing the waters and doing so in a manor believable (for the material that is).  If you love horror films (or hate them) check out any Romero zombie flick (preferable Night of the Living Dead and Dawn of the Dead).

Great shot of recently turned zombies hunting human flesh in Night of the Living Dead.

And if you’re a reader like me (gloat) then Google Max Brooks, and start finding out about his books.  Hmm, did I miss anything?

Sorry, if I have.  I took way to long of a break before posting this.  Thanks for the patience.

Your humble servant,

Tucker Paul Stempler

P.S.  Check out The Walking Dead, an ongoing Zombie comic book written by Robert Kirman.  It is absolutely amazing.

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    • Emily
    • April 29th, 2010

    this is why we are friends. AMAZING!

    • Laura
    • May 1st, 2010

    Nice work. Makes me reconsider the zombie genre (I love Shaun of the Dead but would not call myself a Zombie fan.)

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